Liberty or Death

Give me liberty or give me death. We used to hear this in school and fancy ourselves standing bravely shouting this from the mountain tops. We never thought the day would come where we would have to face that choice.

Liberty, the right to choose what is best for you, and you aren’t harming anybody, has been snatched from our hands. In a hysterical approach, with no science to back it up, our government agencies who haven’t even been granted the powers they are using, are seizing our rights as patients. Seizing the rights of doctors to treat us as they see fit even. We have been sacrificed to a God who will never be satiated, the war on drugs.

Somebody with a nefarious agenda, conflated numbers of opioid deaths, included street drug opioids, like illicit fentanyl, heroin and cocaine, with legal prescription opioids. They hoped to leave us, who had been on stable treatment regimens (provable) allowing us our right to liberty and the pursuit of happiness, in hell begging for relief. We still don’t know why anybody would want to do that. Science has always proven that opioids are a good, safe choice for pain patients. Even now, they ,<11,000 of those taking a prescription opioid that die annually, wherever stolen or by one’s own hand as they are being told they will be cut off of the only thing that gives them liberty in life, like our forefather, they choose death. Unbearable suffering 24/7/365 doesn’t get tolerable over time, it gets more and more mentally, and physically intolerable.

#88000diefromAlcohol #230000diefromMedicalerrors #480000diefromCigarettes #15000diefromIbuprofen #72000diefromIllicitFentanyl #11000diefromPrescriptionOpioids

Illicit fentanyl opioid comes in the mail

Legal medicinal Opioids for severe pain, come through a doctor.

Why is the govt forcing patients to suffer and die, instead of stopping the mail order business of fentanyl?

Why are they forcing us to choose liberty from unbearable pain or death?

World Health Organization: ‘

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The Story of the Mouse with the White Hat

And the mouse in charge of the basement said, ‘the cheese? The cheese? That’s none of your business. The President Mouse handles the cheese. Don’t even talk about it! ‘We must never question the way the President Mouse upstairs does things! Walk away! Walk away!’ And one mouse who always wore a little white hat said, ‘NO!, this is important! Please listen! Down here, in the basement, the block of cheese is always sitting on the bench and some of it has oil dripping on it, on the side where the little child mice usually eat, and some are getting really sick with diseases because of it. Let me talk to the President Mouse, he’ll understand and move the block of cheese over!’

And the mouse in charge of the basement said, ‘NO! Nobody talks to the President Mouse! Nobody!’ And then the mouse with the white hat realized some mice were really thin and going without food because the cheese they had gotten had hurt them. And they needed help. After trying many times to be allowed to talk to the President Mouse upstairs about it, he realized he would never hear him this way. So he decided to gather together mice and make noise under the window upstairs where the President Mouse lived. Many of the hurting or caring mice followed him into the street to help make noise so the President Mouse living upstairs would hear them! And the President Mouse made an announcement to the micenews, it said, ‘Allow the basement mice to eat at noon instead of 8am, If they want to.’

But the mouse with the white cap knew he didn’t understand at all, and that wouldn’t solve it. So he went in the street every day and tried to get the President Mouse and his General Authority Mice to hear him. But they did nothing. They said nothing. So the mouse with the white hat decided to go hungry and come into the street every day to get all the mice everywhere aware, and the President Mouse aware of the suffering mice! He even got Micenews to report about it! But to no avail. He was totally ignored. He cried. He cried with the sick mice. He didn’t want the new baby mice to be exposed to this cheese. One day, the mouse with the white hat was called to a Council of the Mice in charge of his basement. They told him he was doing terrible things, he had spoken against the one true President Mouse, and that was not allowed in Mousedome. He was allowed 45 minutes to explain himself to the Head basement mouse, as he had done over and over before. A few days later, he got a knock on his door, and he received a letter from the President Mouse. Finally! Only, when he opened the letter in front of all his mice friends, it said, ‘You are not a member of Mousedome anymore.’ ‘You may not eat with us, you will not be part of our family anymore. You can visit, but go away.’ The mouse with the white hat cried. I just wanted to save the mice from this simple problem! I just wanted President Mouse to hear and move the cheese over! But the President Mouse still had nothing to say to him. He thought he was too important to talk directly to the mouse with the white hat.
The mouse with the white hat, left, but he vowed to never give up trying to help the mice in the basement at Mousedome. And he didn’t. He’s still wearing his white hat and trying to save the mice in Mousedome. He’s a hero mouse to many. Many are trying to help him fight the fight from the inside now. Awareness is spreading. So really, he won.
Someday, the little mice won’t be eating right where the oil drips. You just wait.

The Mythical ‘Survivor’

Chapter 1 (rough draft)
Disclaimer: Keep in mind this is my point of view. I don’t write to overturn anybody else’s experience

‘Survivor.’ We hear it said for every human tragedy under the sun, and those who suffer a trauma of any kind are expected to achieve this magical place where they take their power back. A brave person, appearing to carry on in life, will be granted this label by onlookers. No malice intended by anyone. ‘Survivor.’

I’m not trying to be negative about a label intended to give power back to victims who have had theirs stolen. I’m just questioning if the label itself has become a weapon used to whip people into the proverbial demand to, ‘get over it.’ Seems nowadays, you are either a ‘victim’ or a ‘survivor.’ You choose. Oh, and ‘Don’t be a victim.’ We are expected to rise above a title we did not give ourselves, to a title we may not be ready to give ourselves. That’s the goal. Right? ‘Don’t be a victim!’

I am a victim. And that is NOT MY shame, that is a Perpetrator’s shame. It always will be. People tell me, oh it doesn’t matter, ‘survivor’ just means you lived through it. But parts of me were murdered through years of abuse that I can’t get back. Wiring in my brain was changed that I can’t rewire.

Somewhere out there are Perpetrators victimizing people! They aren’t Survivor-izing people! Thank God for those who survive. But they aren’t the same! Life is harder! Why bother hunting and taking these perpetrators down if the things they do only make us stronger?? They do permanent damage!

Courts are so easy on child sexual predators it’s sickening to me! Is it partly because we’ve tried so hard not to be called ‘victims?’ Does the judge think victims will be fine?? No big deal? 60 days in jail. Kids will bounce back and be survivors! Better than they were
before! Maybe we need to call a spade a spade. These creeps are making VICTIMS, and these victims fight the rest of their lives to survive! We’re surviving by sheer knuckle bleeding through life!

If we MUST change it from the true word…. Victim, because society is uncomfortable with the V word, perhaps ‘Surviving’ would be ok. Believe me, nobody WANTS to be a victim. However, if you call yourself one, it is YOU that will receive condemnation, not the one who made a victim out of you.

I realize some may think, what’s the difference? Survivor/Surviving Potato/Potáto. They are different to me, though. I think the world sees the word ‘Survivor’ and thinks you have won the victory! Justice has been served or forgiven! And/or you’ve reached the finish line! You’re no longer a victim! That’s all that matters. Maybe I’m alone in this feeling, but I’ve learned that doesn’t matter. I’m valid.

But am I no longer a victim? No. I suffer on many levels because if the abuse aftermath. I’ve been told I’m ‘playing victim’ luckily only by one person, but it stung and sent me into a downward spiral of self judgment. I’ve been told ‘everyone has had problems!’ Sexual assault as a child is not ‘a problem.’ Others have just nudged me with indirect innuendos, trying to get me to see that I am carrying the pain too long, wanting Justice too long, to get over it. Move on. Forge ahead.

I refuse to stop fighting against those who harm the innocent and take their power. I refuse to stop the marches. I can’t stop shouting at the top of my lungs the TRUTH! Stop fighting for Victims, Me, and those that aren’t me who need help.

I forged ahead my whole life. Tried to forget. I bravely pushed on! I courageously continued to move on! I thought I was a Survivor! Until my thumb couldn’t hold back the leak in the dam anymore.

You can’t underestimate and minimize the damage done by sexual abuse of innocent children. It’s just so wrong. Burned in my mind are memories, feelings, smells, every detail, ready to replay at any moment, like it or not. Fear, trembling, panic, freeze response, danger! But you’re at work or in a group. You can’t run. You can’t react. So you dissociate, which leaves you in more danger. You aren’t really ‘there’ mentally because your body can’t leave without creating misunderstandings, and even worse treatment.

The neverending explaining why I’m different is painful. If I had Burns on my face, or lost a limb, it would be easier to be understood. People need to see to believe it’s real. And if it’s real bad, it needs to look real bad. Or we face the consequences of constant accusations of not wanting to ‘get better’ and other condemning criticisms.

That’s why I’m writing this. It matters. The consequences we continue to suffer as victims of childhood assault, are happening under the radar. Just like abuse often did. We aren’t seen.

The expectation by society is to ‘get over it.’ So you call yourself a ‘Survivor’ you claim you are the ‘Captain of your ship!’ Then you crash into iceberg after iceberg, and nobody is there to blame but you. The list gets bigger from there. Managing your life is like running blind in a hamster wheel. But you’re determined to show them all, that you can be a success story in spite of, hell, even because of the abuse!!

With tons of emotional and financial support, opportunities to be heard and validated, acceptance of who you are, perhaps the mythical ‘Survivor’ does exist! Elizabeth Smart comes to mind. There are many inspiring things to learn from her, don’t get me wrong! Who knows her hidden struggles, but on stage, she is the apparent shining gold star of how easily you can be a Survivor. By ‘not giving them one more minute of your life!’ Done.

Being surrounded not only by non-abusive people, but also by people who understand you, will support you as you do many things that don’t make sense to them, might create that magical environment where you can ‘get over it.’ I don’t know. I wasn’t able to find that kind of support. Don’t worry, I blame me when appropriate. Those ‘moments of serious abuse’ were long ago. It’s a copout to blame ‘it’ for all my failures. Right?

One small example of the fallout of my trauma was I never left my children with anyone! This created havoc in my life that can’t be measured. Jobs were impossible with no one I could trust my children with, so even with a Bachelor’s Degree, my career abruptly was stunted. Friends who didn’t understand why I couldn’t leave my children, often left the friendship. Grandparents who literally hated me for it. Can you blame them? My whole life people haven’t understood me and why I do things. My whole life I’ve lost friends, careers, etc because of the ‘me’ that resulted from childhood sexual abuse. Don’t underestimate this as a one moment in your life thing. It’s not.

Should Mormon Missionaries Tell the Truth about Children?

Sam Young, Fighting the Good Fight

Tocubit Is Invisible's Cubit

MissionariesToday, I had lunch with an old friend.  We feel quite a kinship for one another.   He’s a very faithful member of the Mormon Church.  However, he agrees with me that sexual questions should not be asked to kids. Here’s a snippet of our conversation.

LDS Friend (LDSF):  We are working with a family in my ward who are considering joining the church.

SAM:  Okay.

LDSF:  Do you think I should tell them about the youth interviews?

ME:  For me, my integrity would demand that I tell the parents about the dangers their children will face.  How would I feel when they confronted me after their children were interrogated behind closed doors?  I would feel complicit.  The only honorable thing to do would be to give them a heads up so they could make an informed decision about the safety of their children.

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My Eternal Damnation–A letter to my Mormon Friends

This is why the Mormon Church is harmful. One of the many reasons.

Tocubit Is Invisible's Cubit

apostasy-plan of salvationWhen I was growing up, it was common for children to be given a “Book of Remembrance.”  I was proud of mine.  My mother had done a ton of family history research.  She found pictures of many ancestors, copied their faces and pasted the photos in the family tree section.  It was fascinating to ruminate on those images of my grandparents up the line.

Book of Remembrance templates were sold by the church.  Right at the beginning of each book was a graphic representation of the Plan of Salvation.  I loved its clear and plain presentation.  From an early age, I knew that apostates were evil and destined for a nightmarish future.  The picture above is very similar to the page included in my Book of Remembrance.

In addition, Spencer W. Kimball taught in his book “The Miracle of Forgiveness” that excommunication is worse than death.

Dear Mormon Friends &…

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Dear Mormon Church, Protect the Children!

I used to think the Mormon Church just didn’t realize the damage that was being done to their young people. I’m talking about ‘worthiness interviews’ of children as young as 11, up through young adult ages, before their identity and experience in the world are fully developed. Everything from crippling shame, to sexual abuse involving explicit interrogation of the child’s chastity, including details about masturbation are common practice. Cases of acts of sex, if the bishop happens to be a predator in disguise, have also been reported. Most often these are handled privately by the church.

Similar to the Catholic Church, nondisclosure agreements are signed, and set amounts of money are offered if the family agrees not to, ‘harm the good name of the church,’ by pressing charges. Though no child should be alone with an older man answering questions of a sexual nature, the Mormon Church doesn’t perform the least of safety measures. Not even a background check is run on these bishops. Children are interrogated, to assess their ‘worthines,’ with sexual questions. Public shaming often occurs if the child isn’t controlling things like masturbation. For instance, a male will be forced to sit separately from his peers, forbidden to pass the sacrament until he is ‘worthy’ enough, according to the bishop. Both genders will be forbidden to take the sacrament during church, where anybody can notice. The worse the sexual sin, the harsher the punishment, up to and including disfellowshipping and excommunication.

Now that Sam Young has uncovered and exposed the horror stories of abuse of the past and present, the Church no longer has an excuse. They have no cloak to hide behind. Like the Emperor, we see them standing naked before us, and the sight has become disgusting. No more imagining them clothed with not knowing, having honest intent, up in their offices obliviously allowing abuse of children. They know!

Just like the Catholic Church, exactly like the Catholic Church, they pompously consider themselves untouchable, and they continue the harm. A gaggle of attorneys, apostles, and leadership, all the way down to the bishopric are turning a blind eye. Letting it happen! They know! Parents who have been made aware, and allow their child to be taken alone, now will also carry responsibility of knowing and doing nothing. Imagine the child’s response when they grow up, whose life has been damaged forever, finding out their parent knew of the danger and did nothing!

I believe that Mormons live in a bubble of false protection. They believe that their child will bounce back if something happens. God will protect their child. God will heal their child. Good will come of anything bad. They pray, go to church, pay tithing, wear garments; they’re protected! They need to take a courageous look at the lives of those Mormon children and those Catholic children who were damaged in this way. They are never the same again. They don’t skip away. Decades of therapy may help some find some relief, but think of the cost, just in dollars for therapy alone, as being only one wall blown down by the bomb of abuse going off inside them. The collateral damage to the lives of these children is catastrophic! It’s a lifetime of torture. Some can’t take the pain anymore and end their lives.

Thousands of Mormon stories of children who are now grown ups who suffered abuse attest to the outcome. If they don’t believe those, then believe the fallout of the abuse on Catholic Children.

Consider how only the tip of the iceberg was found by the Boston Globe Spotlight Team at first. Then remember how many victims were found, hidden away, having nowhere to go until the putrid lid was taken off the secrets, and the stench of abandoning those children was opened to the light of truth. This is just like the Mormon Church has done, and is doing to it’s own children.

Hopefully, as we became aware of that stench, we choked on our own vomit. Hopefully, we refuse to be a part of this damaging practice, by continually standing up to the Churches, who have this in the their midst and KNOW about it, and treat it with less care than if somebody fell and broke a bone due to the church’s negligence. Child after child is stuffed away, with non disclosure agreements, a fixed low price offered for their silence, and sent off to travel the paths of life with the ashes of an atomic bomb having gone off inside them.

Some are able to struggle through, if they are surrounded by support, and piece together a life that ‘works.’ These are they who appear normal on the outside, tho the stench of the abuse affects every aspect of their lives. They keep it hidden. What else can they do? Their life was stolen, ripped out from under them, as if an imbedded chip was placed in their brain that repeats over and over, ‘I’m worthless,’ ‘I hate myself,’ ‘I’m so ashamed and embarrassed,’ ‘it must’ve been my fault somehow because nobody would hurt a child on purpose,’ ‘How could God possibly love me?,’ and a million other self loathing messages set to go off at any moment of any day. It’s mental, spiritual, and physical torture (anxiety, depression, etc, affect every body system). Shame and worthlessness seem to attach itself to the DNA.

Like Sam said, we need to stop asking, ‘Why?’ Instead, we need to say THIS. MUST. STOP. Boldly stand up and say, ‘Not MY child!’ Adamantly oppose this practice wherever you see the opportunity. Be on the right side of history as this becomes another black eye on the Mormon church. Many stood on the wrong side of history, opposing our black skinned brothers and sisters from being considered ‘worthy,’ ‘born with a defect caused by their less valiant ways in the preexistence.’ They stood with the church. A church who now disavows this same teaching and distances itself from current members ever knowing that this was a solid doctrine of the church, proving their top leaders, all the way up to the prophet, can be misled, wrong, harm innocent people. And lie.

The the church takes no responsibility for this grave error in this doctrine, they instead try to minimize it to just a practice that went along with the times, which only shows they can also be misled by the times. If they can be misled, church members can bravely stand up for what is right, and refuse to be a part of allowing this practice to continue.

Many in the church, tried to persuade the church to do the right thing up until 1978 when blacks were allowed to participate in all the positions of authority and ordinances that previously belonged to only white people. Only this year, 2018, did the Mormon church officially disavow this practice, and try to pawn it off as going along the times, and never doctrine. Be on the right side of history! Be one those people who did right thing and stood up to persuade the church to stop a practice that should have never existed in a church that claims Christ is at it’s head. He would protect the children!

See protectldschildren.org up